broken candy hearts
by Vyse
Summary: a gift for cybra-san...*giggle* a rare digi-coupling with an odd title! ^ ^


broken candy hearts   
  
a/n: a gift ficcy to Cybra-san! Oh, gomen about the lyrics...but, at least you can use them in your story now, ne? Ne? ^ ^;;;   
  
Don't ask about the title...it's Valentine's Day, and the only thing I'm thinking about is the little candy heart that says 'be mine', since the original title of this fic was 'If you can't be mine, it's okay'...and since I saw the little 'be mine' in there, and it just came to mind...so that's pretty much it. ^ ^  
  
well, this is Ami's Sailor Moon R single...I think it fits this fic quite well, don't you? ^ ^;  
  
~*~  
  
~Having searched for you awhile,   
as I sat beside you on that bench   
by the bright riverbank yesterday afternoon,   
I was actually disheartened, but   
I gave you to understand that I was   
perfectly happy, happier than anything!~   
  
He flashes me a look that involves an upturning of the lips, and this somehow manages to make my heart feel as if it's on fire.   
  
"What is it, Ken?" Oh, did I sound too rude there? I'm horribly new at this thing...oh, god, I'm acting like Miyako.  
  
A love-struck...girl.   
  
"Well, Koushirou...I honestly don't know how to say this. When I first joined up with all of you...it was hard, to put it lightly." He gives me another smile, this one a bit sheepish...oh, Ken has no idea what he does to me.  
  
"And...well, they let me into the group...but I never felt as if I was a *part* of it. A lot of them still didn't trust me, and the one person who did was going insane trying to get me, and I just didn't feel ready for a major commitment, but I wanted to be a part of this...to put it simply, it felt like I was drowning." Part of me wonders what would it be like if Ken came along when we were the chosen ones. I just know that we would have trusted him more, given him more of a chance...not like the others did.  
  
"But there's something I need to talk to you about..." I like this, the way he's trusting me. "And I'm going to you with this because...well, I feel like I can trust you. Now, what I'm about to say may sound a little bit...well, odd...you...helped me out, I supposed."   
  
~Someone else will be your sweetheart, but   
still I want to be with you like this all the time.~  
  
Sometimes I build to a little fantasy of mine, that Ken showed up before the new digital destined. Before the Dark Masters, before Hikari...then what would've happened? I add little situations, battles, new digimon to battle...it can be quite entertaining, it its own way. At the end, he joins us, of course...we're all a lot nicer to him then Hikari, Takeru, Miyako, Iori...and we give him a little more room to breath than Daisuke.  
  
And a couple of times, I'm up late, on my computer as usual, and Ken is just looking up at the stars. He's there for quite a while, and eventually Wormmon crawls off to go to sleep. I head over to him, and ask him what's wrong, and he sighs a bit and asks what it feels like to have friends. I blink, and tell him that he shouldn't be asking that...that he has friends. He just shakes his head and insists that no one would be his friend after what he did, that he doesn't deserve us. I sit down, and place a hand on his shoulder, telling him that everyone deserves a second chance. He looks up, and our eyes meet-and for half a nano, it's utter bliss.  
  
~It's a distressing feeling, unrequited love.   
Even without saying anything,   
Just being with you like this a little more   
Is fine! This is fine!   
Looking upwards, the sky pierced my heart.~  
  
"Koushirou?" Oh, I hope Ken didn't think I was ignoring him.   
  
"Yes, Ken?" Did that sound cold? Oh, why do I care about every little thing that Ken thinks? He is in a fragile state, that is true...but he isn't invalid.  
  
"There's...something...that I want to talk to you about today." Is that a faint flush spreading across his cheeks? What could this be about?   
  
"You can tell me anything, Ken-ch..." I almost call him Ken-*chan*, but I catch myself just in time. Thank kami...I really don't know what would happen if I called him that. Hopefully, he would laugh it off...  
  
He doesn't notice, and if he does, I don't think he cares.  
  
"That's somewhat of a relief..." His lips do that slight upturn again, and now it's almost too much to bear. "See, it's a bit...personal." Now he is blushing, and his eyes find a terribly interesting rock on the ground to look at.  
  
...Personal?   
  
~Suddenly I start lightheartedly whistling,   
And you smile and at last   
Seem to become cheerful.~  
  
"See..." He doesn't wait for me to say anything...I don't know if that's good or bad. "It concerns matters of the heart."   
  
I don't understand why he's talking to me. If it's something like this...someone like Hikari or Miyako, maybe even Sora or Mimi, would be better. And Miyako would be thrilled to talk to Ken, especially on this subject...  
  
"Why can't you go to someone else? Maybe Miyako..." Oh, that was just rude. He will go to someone else, after that...well, I would.  
  
His flush deepens. "Well, I'll have to go to Miyako to..eventaully, I suppose..." This involves Miyako? What could it...oh. Ken...and Miyako. I..I think I understand now...  
  
I flash him a teasing look. I feel..calm now..."Oh, I get it..." He goes a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous. Hmm...he has quite a pretty blush...okay, now I'm blushing.   
  
"Look, I don't know exactly how I feel about her..." He shakes his head slightly, his hair swaying along with it. Oh...it's at times like this that I realize how beautiful he really is..."But I know that it's different then I've felt about other people. It..how I feel about...what I mean is...she's...special." I've never seen Ken like this before, so open, this close to being happy...  
  
Is that good or bad?  
  
~Your eyes, scolding the child that   
Was pouting on that summer baseball field,   
Were more gentle than anyone's.~  
  
"She feels the same way about you."I say the first thing that comes to mind; I really don't think that he should have came to me. "...She really does." My words sound so...bland, unhelping. He really should have gone to someone else.  
  
"I know..." His words are laced with a heavy sigh, "I know. She used to." His shoulders droop, and his gaze cocks to the side. "She could never...now. Not after..."   
  
~But she does.~ That thought sounds bitter and hurt in my mind. I honestly should have known this was going to happen...I should have been more prepared for it.   
  
"She does...she does..." After all, she wouldn't miss the chance to go out with someone famous. Hey, maybe Ken would be really rich when he was an adult, and then she would suddenly show up on his doorstep, insisting that she really does love him...  
  
Oh, I have to stop doing this! If Miyako does love Ken...I can't do anything about that, can I? But if she doesn't...I can't do anything about that either, I suppose.  
  
~I don't know any words, or such, of consolation.   
You are fine, I don't want you to change.~  
  
"Miyako likes you a lot, doesn't she?" What? What is that supposed to mean? "You know a lot about her, don't you?"  
  
Where is Ken going with this? Mimi used to insist that Miyako had a crush on me, but that's about it...  
  
"Well, Ken..." he cuts me off...oh, this must be bothering him a lot. He's acting so...unlike him.  
  
~...In love, maybe?~   
  
Now he sighs, looking down at his hands. "Well, I was thinking...maybe I could change?"   
  
Change? Oh, I have to tell him that he should change for *no* girl...no one is worth it. There is only one you, it would just hurt you in the long run...and more quotations from after-school specials.  
  
~It's a distressing feeling, unrequited love.   
If, in this world, you   
Need instead to be alone,   
It's OK! Really, it's OK!   
We can't be more than friends, but...~  
  
"She's not worth it." I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind-and in my mind...Miyako isn't worth Ken changing. If he needs to change for her...she doesn't deserve him.   
  
But I'm not...just being bitter. I'm not saying I deserve Ken anymore than she does, because I most likely don't.  
  
"...That's what you think. You know, that's what everyone else would think, that I shouldn't change just for a girl. But Miyako...she isn't just a girl." No. She's something...special.   
  
~But you're something special too.~  
  
~I love you! I love you so much!   
I want to open up my heart to you, but   
Being with you like this a little more   
Is fine! This is fine!   
Looking upwards, the sky pierced my heart.~  
  
"Koushirou...I really need to think about this. So, I'm going to go now..." Oh? I wasn't any help? I'm not good with these things...especially with *girls*...considering...well, you.   
  
"But thank you for hearing me out. A lot of people...a lot of people wouldn't have done that." And he leaves, without letting me say a word.  
  
...I feel depressed now, like I was *this* close to something, but I just missed it. Why? I didn't miss anything...I never had a chance.  
  
And now I can't stop thinking about those stupid little hearts, the ones that Miyako used to draw around her notebooks. The little hearts with those messages in them like 'Ken + Miyako!' or 'Miyako + Ken=Love!' or 'Inoue Ken and Inoue Miyako!'*  
  
It all seems to worthless to tell myself what I can't have...maybe I can forget about it.   
  
Ha...fat chance of that happening.  
  
Oh...well...maybe I can learn to be happy for Ken and Miyako. If he ever does tell her...which he will. He has to. It's like they're meant to be...almost sickining.   
  
To me, that is.   
  
I depise myself sometimes...I really am a freak.  
  
Oh, well...I guess maybe I talk to Miyako for Ken. You know...make him happy.  
  
That's what a...friend...is for, right?  
  
~Owari~  
  
  
Note: In Japan...I heard that its customary for the man to take the woman's last name. The more you know, eh? ^ ^;  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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